That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think i have two assholes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
