Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
