shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
