i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
