No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize