so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
