I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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