So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Still dying that you shit outside
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
