do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
