When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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