I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
