singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No subtext here. People are naked.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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