with your own penis?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
