Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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