sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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