remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
