mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
