I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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