Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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