they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
