Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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