well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
