Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
