Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
