I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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