look no pants
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
