The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
