good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This house was built for laser tag.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
as a side note pls kill me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
