Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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