Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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