When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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