her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
