I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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