take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
two words...techno handjob
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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