singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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