very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
