Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
