Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
