I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize