Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
