well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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