She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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