Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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