Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
