i can't believe i had my finger in that
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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