you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
