remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
