i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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