if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
