I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
