Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
