My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
