took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he told me I talked like a deaf person
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
