All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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