ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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