At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
high people should be assigned attendants
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
