I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
kristin has been a bad kristin
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
