Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry my hands just texted you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize