Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm like, not good at living.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
