I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
