Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
