Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will be naked everywhere
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
