I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
