i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
