so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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