I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
