I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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