would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
this hospital has no fireball
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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