Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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